Anyu, the upwardly mobile technocrat, had few idiosyncrasies of her own. She firmly believed that future predictions in the papers were the gospel truth, not to be tampered with. Her day and mood depended on those wise words. If the forecast was good, she was genial towards the creator, her employer, her immediate family, in that order. And God forbid, if the prophecy said “watch out!”, it was period of great stress and unhappiness. If it was a sunday, God save the poor family. The tone of the ensuing week was entirely dependent on that anonymous reader of fate.

On this particular sunday, Anyu rose early to figure out what the Gods had intended for her. “Please, Please God, Let it be a good beginning to the week ahead”, prayed anyu as she opened the sunday supplements to check her weekly horoscope.

” A cold war is likely to ensue with spouse, on the home front. You must keep an eye on the cash flow, lest your savings vanish into a bottomless pit”. read her weekly divination. Oh! thousand typhoons were about to descend on this earth.

Anyu sat wordlessly, staring at the wall in front. What would she do now? An entire week of bickering and spending, to look forward to?  Needless to say, her mood was flatter than the flattest of beers.

As if on cue, husband dearest, walked in. All fresh from his morning jog, waiting to seize the week. He piped in cheerily. “What is the Sunday Special? A man becomes ravenously hungry after pounding the gravel, you know. I am sick of eating all that health junk, through the week! What gastronomic treats, are we in, for today?”

Anyu snapped back at him. “What good has that morning jog done to you? You run miles but no inches lost, It is that health food that is keeping your HDLs and LDLs down. So don’t mock my cooking. So much of oily stuff  was consumed during this holiday season. We need trim ourselves and our expenses. So it is plain old Khichdi for lunch!”

The hapless husband did not know when to stop. Though Anyu had dropped enough hints, he still chugged along bravely. He piped in, rather recklessly,” Oh Yes darling, I agree that My Miles has not given me any Inch loss, But I can see that you are turning out to be a well rounded personality” and with that comment he burst out laughing. Oh Boy!!

Anyu glared at him and stomped away angrily. Was that the  beginning of a glacial cold war?

Hapless Husband wondered, “What exactly, had happened here? All I did was, to ask, what was on the menu! This angry outburst! This walk out !! this thundering silence!! All this wasn’t the agenda of a happy sunday…”

He thought of mending the fences and followed the wife. After all, She was his Mary and he was her little lamb. He helpfully countered,”Honey! Is it, that time of the month?”

Oh!!!! famous last words…

Anyu burst into tears saying,” Why are you so flippant? Why do you always come up with silliest of comments? When will you ever understand?” With these words, she ran into the master bedroom and closed the door..

While the husband stared into space blankly, wondering how did things become so sour and that too so suddenly, the daughter who was pretending to be absorbed in her studies, chipped in,” Papa, a gourmet lunch followed by the latest block buster movie will surely cheer Mom up ”

Now the poor husband was willing to do anything, just have peace, to bring back the smile on Anyu’s face, to enjoy his Sunday lunch, to get things back to status quo…He quickly logged in, made reservations for lunch as well as for the movie. He had to pay a premium. Weekend rates, you see!!!. He then knocked on the bedroom door gingerly, and announced the good news.

Anyu came out beaming. “Darling, you did all that for me? Aren’t you the very best!Im so thrilled. Honey, there is a sale going on, in the same mall. Can we pick up some stuff? After all, it is lean season. We would save a trip later. Afterwards, the malls would be full of trawlers. While we are at it, let us buy some gifts for our friends too. After all they bring us so many. Don’t forget to bring the credit cards. I will get ready in a jiffy. Both of you get cracking. Ok?”

“Cold war? Blah! Expenses? Blah Blah!!, These forecasters will write anything. Thanks to husband dearest, Sunday is turning out to be splendid”

And smiling happily, Anyu began to get ready

2 thoughts on “HorrorScopes

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