N – Never did I ask you, Did I?

N

 

 

loudspeaker

You decide to chop your locks as you have been sporting the same style for a while. You google trawl and zero in on a seemingly rocking style. The stylist ( poor soul, God bless) though inwardly trembling at the miracle makeover that she/he has been called upon to perform on this gawky bimbette, somehow rises up to the occasion and does the needful. You walk out feeling unsure though you are happy, you took the plunge. And you bump into Miss Motor Mouth who gives you a head to toe Retina Scan and exclaims in a loud enough voice to drown the entire world. “Did You do it yourself? Don’t tell me you actually paid money to do THIS

And you are left muttering, Never did I ask you, Did I?

Your weighing scale starts to groan,  “Please come back all alone!” You decide to do something about. You invest in designer togs, shoes, sunblock, aviators and hit the track. And who do you see but the Resident Gyaan Guru, who then stops you midway, tut tuts and gives you a low down on how YOGA is the new four letter word. While you somehow manage to pull away, RGG catches up with you, insists on whatsapping the new (killing actually) Killer Diet!

And you are left muttering, Never did I ask you, Did I?

You are craving for those leaded unmentionables. So you saunter into the neighborhood stores, stock up on Maggi, Chips, Coke and happily join the billing queue. The Agony Aunt ahead, looks at you witheringly, shakes her head with disgust and tells you how bad are the contents of your trolley for your guts while you want the earthquake strike then and there and kill you.

And you are left muttering, Never did I ask you, Did I?

You walk into a cosmetic shop to kill time and the trained to Kill-You-With-Kontempt-Salesperson ensnares you and expounds benignly on how everything about you is all so very terribly wrong. Skin, texture, make-up (blah), hair (shudder). How you need industrial scale help to somehow redeem yourself before Armageddon could strike with your very LS presence

And you are left muttering, Never did I ask you, Did I?

You decide to invite some friends over for gossip and chow and try your hand at rustling up something edible. You slave to clean the house spotless, arrange the crockery and even the food smells like it should. And then Smart Ass Sassy Mouth decides to tell you how your decor isn’t Vaastu Complaint or how you need to space manage by investing in the shelves that only her carpenter can oh so divinely make. Or how your Entrees aren’t matching with the main course or how everything is Medium Well Done

And you are left muttering, Never did I ask you, Did I?

Thats why, you have  a thick hide

A Victim of USA ( UnSolicited Advisors)

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6 thoughts on “N – Never did I ask you, Did I?

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