USA – I can handle You

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(Tongue firmly in cheek)

With Malice Towards None at all, 😉

Once upon a time, when I was younger  ( Oh Hell! who am I trying to kid? everyone knows that was ages ago), I used to get pretty rattled when I was victimized by USA ( UnSolicited Advisors).

These USAs could expound forth about your non happening New Hair Style, your Wobbly Remnants of child bearing ( heck that event was years ago, but still!), your ‘Fashionistas-Will-Jump-The-Hill-Out-Of-Sheer-Agony’ Wardrobe or on anything that really doesn’t need an opinion. Talk about Killing with Kindness and Wisdom!

Thankfully years of marital experience have helped me to zero in on my Zen.

No thanks to all that ‘ You are never going to be this young ever’ or ‘You are your oldest today!’ Wala Gen that flood the Facebook and Whatsapp daily!

These esteemed victimizers could be
1)MIL ( She gave you your husband, tadwaara your baccha party, So her Sau Khoon Maaf)
2)FIL (He is suffering her already, so go easy on him)
3)Assorted general public (Not worth wasting your precious non regenerative brain cells on these types. We gotta take care of our Sexiest organ you know!

To counter these USAs I have developed a foolproof mechanism

1)While they drone, I with a blissed out look and occasion appropriate grunts plan out the menu of the day. Since I belong to EWS, I cook all the three meals, a herculean task in itself, considering the potpourri of cuisine cultures in my kitchen. My size is a testimony of what a foodie I am. USAs are kush and I am sorted
2)I could sometimes sort the International Affairs. Why didn’t Will-Kat extend the invitation to moi, to that 30 Second Nirvana Gala for Salivatingly, Servilely Stooping Stars? May be I am not Blingy enough. Or Why ask for Kohinoor back when we are inflicting a Modified stance on Tussands? See! this process expands mental horizons  while you politely chop the USAs to pieces
3) I sometimes sort my fashion sense(?) “Listen these golden palazzos are passe. No matter how much you load up on glitz, it aint working. Surely it’s time to go for some neon orange zardosi topping it with purple organza” Another matter after this, they have banned my entry into Meena Bazar!

4) Since I dabble in writing and daily dispense my random rubbish on the unsuspecting public at large, I have vowed that I definitely do not have the right to remain silent and anything USAs say, can and will be used in my writings. Take That! (Thank You Sonny)

5) Try reciting the Greek alphabet backwards, figure out infinity, defy gravity, solve the black hole conundrum or reach out for the rosary!

There is a pitfall too. Doesn’t work always, you know.

On an idiotic moment, I happened to mention my code of conduct to Sonny. Now no longer happy with my periodic grunts and phased out look, he makes me repeat the entire story.

So there 😀

Use these at your discretion 🙂

USA, see I can Trump ya! 😉 😉

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10 thoughts on “USA – I can handle You

  1. USA’s in India are a birthright of everyone I guess. No matter where you go, what you do, what you wear, what you study, who you date, who you marry, when you marry, why didn’t you marry, when to have a child, when to have a second child, what to do with the pimple and the dark circle, what to do with that heavy ass and rotund waistline… People are always filled with these and I simply don’t understand the fact that how hard for them is to understand that it is not their bloody business. It is as simple as that!

    P.S: I really loved your writing style and the way you have quoted the examples:)

    Cheers
    Geets

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very useful ideas there. It’s amazing how many people feel comfortable dishing out unsolicited advice.

    Not me.

    My advice is always solicited. By the way, have you considered listing the states in alphabetical order when the Greek alphabet isn’t cutting it? (Sorry, couldn’t resist).

    @IsaLeeWolf
    A Bit to Read

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are handling the USA’s well. I’ve tried some of those methods myself when I have time to play. Otherwise I just excuse myself as quickly as I can being rude only if they force be to be so..

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

    Liked by 1 person

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