I succumb to this trendy trend of open letters and write one to you!
My dearest twin delights and growing assets,
( Dear reader, Now! Don’t roll your eyes! Before thy mind starts meandering, I am referring to my two bacchas).
So what gives? Apart from the daily drone?
As a good measure, I have added the Esteemed Grammie to the receivers’ list. She can play the eternal Grammar Nazi to her utter delight ( hopefully in private 🙂 )
Scintillating Sonny, you are a towering personality! Literally at 6’2”. Invariably people have to look up to you, given the average height and your ahem, length. Now just match that scenario up with some action. I know, you are already on to it.
But being your mater, I shall eternally natter.
You have taught me the Art of Zen in absolute all around chaotic clutter. Hence I look around our pad, close my eyes, pat my back and keep muttering “Aall Izzz Well” “Aall Izzz Well”.
You just chill and enjoy the flow alright?
Virus has told us already, ‘Life is a race’. We will reach the winning post definitely once we have finished enjoying the ‘Greenery’ around.
Surely, you do know that, whether you like it or not, I will sermonize from the grave too.
( Dear Reader, that’s why there is an epitaph!)
Darling Dotty ! Phew! When you start talking like Basanti of Sholay, I simply switch off as I stare with fascination at your jaw movements, dancing hands and fervid facial expressions.
You have taught me the art of dressing up of Mundane Stuff with Mirch Masala and presenting it as breaking news, delivered with absolute chutzpah. Your crazy one-liners honey, have always helped me stay grounded incase I developed any horns.
Keep singing sweetly, my songbird.
They say motherhood is Elevating, Love Affirming, Life Changing, Blah and Blah.
You children, have made me Scream like a Banshee, Pull my Hair, Made me Fat, Thin, Wobbly, Matronly, Weep with Frustration, Jump with Joy and Cuddle for Comfort.
But then, You Complete Me.
Because, Everyday with You is such FUN, in spite of US!
I wouldn’t part with you, even for God.
So March ahead into this world and stamp your presence.
I know it’s difficult to cut the apron strings but I promise I will try.
I will be a good Facebook friend by not tagging you unnecessarily and WhatsApp you about 5 times an hour with feel good messages on noble virtues. We will also Hangout, SnapChat and Skype if need be.
Dearest Mom (and dad), What would I have done without you?
I thought long and hard, putting my non existential brain to work. Not much really! You have helped me progress from ‘Florence Nightingale was a promiscuous lady’ to hoping to pen a novella.
You have always been there mom, with your constant corrections of my ‘Articles’, pronouns and prepositions.
As I daily dispense my random rumblings on the unsuspecting public at large, your work load of proofreading my tripe, has increased tremendously. Thank you..
( Dear Reader, that’s why it is good to have a mother who is a teacher! )
There, now that I have put all my cards on the table, can we have some silence please?
I am thinking hard here, about the next missive to be fired on those innocent readers out there, who have no clue what is going to hit them.
No more of those loving conversations.. “What’s for food mom?”
While you are at it, set me up with a plate too with a strong coffee to go!!
No mutterings too. Because, I Anupama Jain, am supposedly a writer. I definitely do not have the right to remain silent. Anything you, my dear family says, can and will be used in my writings and put up for the whole wide world to scrutinize, analyze, summarize.
Now, where’s my blessed couch?