AeDilHaiMushKil – A bloody Honest Review

ae-dil-hai-mushkil

#AeDilHaiMushKil Kill Me Now!!

Dear Karan Johar,

Here I am back, writing an open letter, yet again. Kya kare Aadat se Majboor!

I have just spent 3 hours 45 minutes 54 Seconds of my rather ordinary life watching ‘Ae Dil E Mushkil’. Which can never be recovered ever again!! And at my station of life that is precious resource really!

Enough Puns have been made on this title and I won’t try making more. Suffice to say KJo, my limited precious non-regenerative brain cells have been masticated beyond repair. I was so traumatized, that like the rest of Junta that scooted the moment the credits rolled in at the much awaited end, I tried doing the same thing – Pulling the arm of a scantily clad auntie with puffed up hair and leaving my one and only daughter behind.

Bahut Kuch hota hai Karan Tum na Samjhoge

You must have seen Imtiaz Ali’s ‘Rockstar’ one evening nursing a large No?

Complex ho gaya Nahin?

Yeah! after a while, when all the Moolahs have been raked in, Manva craves  for dollops of respect.

So you decided to make a hash of it while you filled in your floating characters with oodles of designer distress. Added to it your Childhood Fanzie moment with Ash!

When one walks out with a feeling that she was the best of the pile as far as killing black is concerned or pouty reds spouting incomprehensible poetry ( Aren’t Shayars supposed to be lean, mean hungry? Show me the money Da, or I’m in the wrong profession) or simply doing a scene as it is supposed to be! Tells one a lot about the movie right?

Par Logic bhi daalna tha na! Koi Na! Mixer sahi se chala nahin Aur Thodha Khushi Bahut Gham Ho gaya

By the way, stalking is aint cool KJO! A No is a No even if it is Ranbir

And Ranbir Honey, how many times can the lady repair ya? Just asking! Leave them be!

Just Imagine Karan Johar – What all could be done with Rs 1500/-

A meal at a decent restaurant, some gas in the car, so many colas or chips, metro recharge!

But your ilk doesn’t stoop to these normal things right?

As it is they don’t have to worry about existential dilemmas of monies as they go pub hopping, clubbing and private jetting.

Those are for lesser mortals.

Faltu ka MNS se lad rahe the, ban utarvaane ku…Fawad ko Bhagane ku ( I’m still trying to figure out his X factor!)

Isse kehte hain Khaali peeli BhomBhat.

One Last Question – What exactly happened here???

Accha Chalta Hoon, Dua mein Yaad Rakhna

Phew! You killed that song forever for me Bro.

Weary Viewer AJ

Disclaimer: Mutual Fund investments are subject to market risk. Please read the offer document carefully before investing’

Na Na Readers! Don’t go by this review! please go n see.

Everyone has to go and do their share of ‘Penance’😄😜

kya pata you might love it and you might think I’m crazy 👻

ki kitna bakwaas likhti hai

ash-effect

Rupa and her 500 rupee notes

marriage3Rupa hummed the latest chart buster as she stir-fried the bhendi, with one hand, while she rolled out the thin crispy parathas. Beer Singh, her husband, busy on the phone, came into the kitchen, tapped angrily at his watch. Rupa smiled apologetically and handed him his plate of food. She could hear her mother-in-law, invoking all the gods while she screamed at Rupa for her tardiness and her father-in-law demanded another cup of chai.

Nothing could faze Rupa. Not today. When long awaited happiness was in sight.

Tomorrow, her in-laws would leave home to visit her sister-in-law and her husband had appointments all through the day.

So she would…

In a flash, she was back to that point where it had all started.

Rupa, true to name, was beauty born between many sisters, into a wealthy family steeped in conservatism. She was also bright with stars in her eyes and big dreams to chase. Her family let her study provided, she learnt all the ‘girlie’ talents. As one by one, her sisters were married off, much against their wishes, Rupa knew what fate awaited her but she hoped against hope. And sure enough, one fine day, as she came back from college, the elders gave her the news of her engagement with Beer Singh. Since the wedding was only a week away, her education was stopped. Wearily, Rupa got busy with the festivities.

On her wedding night, Rupa discovered what a monster her husband was…which continued. She tried complaining around. Her family said, their responsibility was over the moment she got married. It was up to her, to set her marriage straight. Her in-laws fumed, how dare she find fault with their precious son?

Enough ways were found to break her into submission, to break her spirit. Weary Rupa, trudged along with life. Luckily there were no children and in-laws began hinting at another wedding. Totally broken, TV would be her entertainment, once she was done with her daily chores and the Mother-in-law retired for her siesta.

One fine day, Rupa happened to see, ‘Sleeping with the Enemy.’

A plan began to formulate in her head.

Beer Singh was a property dealer. There was always cash around. Rupa began to whittle away tiny amounts of cash from the sum she received to run the household, hid it in pantyhose, tucked it away under mattress, stashed away in the dark corners of closets. Mooched some cash away from the money given for safe keeping. Did whatever she could. Slowly this money grew into a significant reserve over time. It was her treasure, to be used as and when she decided to bolt, to set up life new in the remote south, where nobody knew her. She had it all planned.

And the D-Day was near. She was about to fly the coop the next day when all were busy.

Rupa finished the rest of the day very cheerfully. She cooked Beer Singh’s favorite food. The wretched bloke deserved one final kind gesture.

Beer Singh came back as usual, sozzled to the gills, demanded the TV be switched on while he ate his dinner. Suddenly, all the news channels started airing the PM’s address to the nation.

As of midnight, tonight, all 500 and 1000 notes will be demonetized. And…

Two people fell down simultaneously to the ground, though for different reasons.

Would Rupa get a chance to fly away? Tomorrow surely knows!marriage1

On a Smoggy Day, When Cash turned to Ash

Yada Yada Hi Dharmasya Glanir Bhavati Bharata

Abhyutthanam Adharmasya Tadatmanam Srjamya Aham

Whenever and wherever there is a decline in religious practice, O descendant of Bharata, and a predominant rise of irreligion — at that time I descend Myself

It was the same old chaotic status quo in the Great Indian Ancient-Modern Democracy.

After the day made it’s believers break their bones to earn their daily bread, Night had quickly descended upon this dichotomy of a nation.

Some villages welcomed it with flickering candle lights and while the hustling and bustling metros brought in a kicking night life.

Nation’s Conscious Keeper and Primary Carper was at it, screaming his guts out on the satellite waves, demanding that the nation needed to know at that very breathtaking instant about some double hashtagged designer distress.

The men in various families while wolfing down the hot yummy food cooked by their wives, vigorously and vociferously nodded in agreement to this rabble rouser’s bordering-on-jingoism exhortations and the poor neglected wives quietly mulled over divorces and hefty alimony.

And older gen stared vacuously at the buried in 15th century style serials beamed across the idiot boxes. Talk about mass movement!

If this was the situation with the earthlings, the skies above had their own story.

Sri Krishna, the Lord of seven skies, after a sumptuous nine course dinner, decided to hold court with his beauteous wives, Rukmini, Satyabhama, Jambavati, Kalindi, Mitravinda, Nagnajiti, Bhadra and Lakshmana, on the simmering state of his kingdom.

The very holy land where he is deified eternally.

Sri krishna set the ball rolling with a very cryptic “What gives?”

Rukmini being the eldest of the wives, always went first.

“You are becoming famous again. In fact as the earthlings say, you are going Viral honey!”

Krishna “When did I not trend? Am I not the Eternal Alpha male? I am Aspirational and Inspirational. Who wouldn’t want to be in my shoes? I knew how to lead a great life. I had a whale of time, at each stage of my life and…”

SatyaBhama (You could never shush her really!) “And married and remarried as if marriage was going out of style. But I have to agree,You are back in the limelight, thanks to the simmering discontent. Thy name is uttered when all fails. Demonetization, has grabbed the eyeballs of the whole country and has got the pulse of intelligentsia racing. Social Media is going berserk. Most of them are shedding copious tears over downtrodden, the daily wage earners, while some are changing their cover photos in support of the earthling Alpha Male. Cash heavy BBC, has even made a film on Cash crunch”

Jambavati “Blah! Paytm them. Ban Chinese Lights  but use Chinese Gateways. Cheques and Balances are the focus of the day! Proves the great Indian obsession with Notes. Degrees of stashing is a tough nut to crack. Mr. KrazyWall’s videos and their truths have made people roll their eyes and drawl” IITians’!” Sometimes I feel that the extended usage of cough syrup does Irreparable Damage.”

Kalindi “Trust you ladies to focus on irrelevant topics. Yes we are married to the God of Great times and greater lines, but can we please focus on the ATMs? Achieve The Mission ! No Coldplay this. Nothing much to Beef about while we Chicken out”

Mitravinda “These are the days of inclusion, Woman Empowerment and gender equality. Can women be far left behind? We have sisters and mothers competing too for the rolls of dough. And where is the Mother of all Sops? She induces the cape fear in the opponents. Cash Trash was to be her wake-up call from slumber.  The Bengal sister wants the courts to intervene and a rollback. Seriously! And what happens to the torn, flushed and burnt currency?”

Nagnajiti “Huh! Not quite in the Gandhian Mould, I say. It’s all about loving your family, no matter how stupid the progeny is! Ditch the brighter daughter, Pitch in the Dim Bulb on the wary public. Mommy’s crown prince often belts out fault notes. Pappu’s RaGa of finding the pain of the Common Man while trying to withdraw 4000/- was painful to say the least. Could have been a LOL moment, had the circumstances been better. ”

Bhadra “Some say the big fish already knew and they have made their arrangements. This step was to put the cow belt in the Alpha Male’s Kitty. And some others say, what a fish, for the Swiss set, Gold and Land is the real deal. So catch them if you can. The intelligentsia has been divided into Rationalists and Nationalists, Bhakts and Bleeding Hearts and more. It is a terrible time for most with worst yet to come. Some are predicting famine, economic spiral down”

Lakshmana “The country is churning my lord. The honest man works and hopes to make a living, in spite of the overwhelming odds against him, hoping for ’sweeping’ reforms coming his way, while the bhakts and carps sledge it out. But the sloth of Governance! delays the good days that were promised. The aftermath that this Political Hunger game has unleashed will be known eventually – whether it was shortfall or windfall. Deal breaker or a Destiny Changer… Taking your name helps to tide over.”

Krishna “I gave them the Gita. Do your work to your best possible ability, don’t hanker after results. You have the right to work, but never to the fruit of work. Whatever happened, happened for the good. Whatever is happening, is happening for the good. Whatever will happen, will also happen for the good. Change is the law of the universe. I also…”

And thus while God got busy gossiping and leaders got petulantly busy squabbling, citizens got busy plundering fellow citizens, somewhere in India, a poor farmer sat in his parched field, too tired to even look up for that elusive drop of hope. The cadaverous cow was his companion, willing to be his next meal, if need be, if it came to that…

Heck, That’s now illegal

paritranaya sadhunam vinasaya ca duskrtam

dharma-samsthapanarthaya sambhavami yuge yuge

In order to deliver the pious and to annihilate the miscreants, as well as to reestablish the principles of religion, I advent Myself millennium after millennium.

May be its time for Him to make an appearance for the promised deliverance. Many wax ones have faltered only to deceive.

Open Letter to be Opened Really

MamaNKids

Dearest Bachhas,

I’m back with another open letter to you guys. Seriously! No one reads these open letters anymore. It is time, they got a closure.

Anyway, let me not digress as I am wont to. Sometime back, there was a mail with the breaking news of blogging contest in a parental forum. ‘Having a Baby Changes Everything’. I quick glanced it and got back to work. But in the background, a process was running furiously.

The mind was ticking/mulling/thinking – Did it really change me? Did I undergo a sea change?

Did the change happen at that precise moment, when the pee-stick gave me back two resounding lines and made me bawl my lungs out to all-round mortification?

Or did the change creep in quietly and slowly while I bloated like a whale the first time( Now I am a mini whale but that is besides the point. Stop sniggering at this instant, You two!) Or simply fed up with life, as a seven month pregger, bundled you, my first born into the car and jaunted off to Mussorie as your dad took over the steering?

Maybe it was that instant when the good doctors held you, my first-born as a lil piglet and walloped your bum or when the second-born (of course the most perfect newborn ever!) was presented grandly as a delicate pink rose bud, I fathomed?

Why? It did sink me when you, my first-born, my Scintillating-Sonny, as roly-poly four year old, refused any form of physical outdoor exercise and was the happiest playing with lego-sets at home? But surely I soared when the same ladoo grew up into a strapping six footer. Now you do deep trekking which requires great stamina! How times and situations change!

It did pinch terribly, when you my second-born, without an iota of sadness, sauntered off to school, on your first day. But then I was happy, you were settling in fast and winning hearts all over.

Did I not shed a thousand silent tears, when you, my second-born, my Darling-Dotty, teary-eyed and scared as a kitten, announce the first periods? You are growing up way too fast honey and it is a big bad world out there. My lil flower, I do hope I can succeed in making you strong enough to watch out for all the hyenas out there and sensible and generous enough.

Did my heart not break into a hundred pieces, when you, my Scintillating-Sonny, chose to leave home and make a mark on the world’s stage? You exulted far more at a hostel seat than at a college seat! It was the hardest thing to do, letting you go, cutting my apron-strings. But then I held on resolutely because that is the only way ahead.

And the heart preened and the Manva did a rain dance as Scintillating-Sonny notched up successes and the world loved Darling-Dotty.

when my event and Dotty, your event clashed yet I obsessed over yours, like a mother hen.

Let it be known that, you both drive me insane. Thanks to you kiddos, My BP has shot up by several notches. I am suspicious, I am beginning to sport a bald pate, the expensive giggly twelve year old wala hair cuts not withstanding. I can also pass off as the friendly neighborhood Santa thanks to my jiggly-wigglies!

But would I ever have it any other ways?

I’m a Mother till I’m boxed and I’m warning you guys, I will be watching you from the world above too. Yeah I’m going to heaven, First Class! No way in hell. So, no respite there too.

I finally wind up with these words ( That is the pattern – I Praise, I then Castigate, then give the finishing touches by giving you some Ceolho worthy Gyaan)

I sincerely hope that I have been able to pass onto you what my parents have taught me. I can only fervently pray that you achieve all that you dream and more – That I was scared even to think of.

BTW, Dad also feels the same for all the above. I made him say so! Remember he is 50% responsible for all the mayhem that got unleashed.

So there!

Yours Eternally,

Your (S)mothering Amma/Mom