Dear Zindagi!! A Review

#DearZindagi #KissaKursiKa

dear-zindagi

Firstly, if someone promises me  that the psychologist\psychiatrist ( the movie makers seem to swing to n fro with the job description) is going to be as dishy and as dimpled as SRK and the healing touches/sermons/life jazz/comparisons would be dished out on the Goan beaches, I am game to go all design distressy, with untold, unresolved angst to boot. Aint that peach, really?

But hey, life happens to all, threatening to scar and singe. Making you stumble and fall. No one is spared from it’s heft. Nada!

Bas, you gotta pick yourself up and keep walking.

I may suck at whole lot things but allow me this gloat – I  am a good…nope a Great MoM.

Hence I could pretty much fathom the raison d’être of the conflicts which shaped rather stunted Alia’s relationship curves.

Still! One tends to get puzzled as to why, when these protagonists that Bollywood rolls out for us, have it all, they aren’t happy yet? Why does the new-gen fret and flounder? Have the paradigms of happiness changed all around or is it hip to trip and crib till eternity?

Is life, a game of perfect IKEA musical chairs?  Aren’t most of us just happy to get one decent chair to settle in?

All said and done, go see this movie for Alia! How effortlessly she holds the movie together, even in the most banal of situations! I love her spirit. Also for Shah Rukh’s pop treatment of the trauma. Did I forget the sweet tall lads who flit in and out of Alia’s life or her constant girls?

Catch this flick before some MNSish outfit discovers, this has the adorable Ali Zafar (way better than Fawad 😉 )

If only it was that easy to embrace your debilitating demons, slay them swiftly and walk out with a spring in your step, filled with gossamer hopes.

Lastly don’t go expecting an English-Vinglish wala standards

That was Sridevi! They don’t make like her anymore…

Do remember to hug your child real tight tonight

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AeDilHaiMushKil – A bloody Honest Review

ae-dil-hai-mushkil

#AeDilHaiMushKil Kill Me Now!!

Dear Karan Johar,

Here I am back, writing an open letter, yet again. Kya kare Aadat se Majboor!

I have just spent 3 hours 45 minutes 54 Seconds of my rather ordinary life watching ‘Ae Dil E Mushkil’. Which can never be recovered ever again!! And at my station of life that is precious resource really!

Enough Puns have been made on this title and I won’t try making more. Suffice to say KJo, my limited precious non-regenerative brain cells have been masticated beyond repair. I was so traumatized, that like the rest of Junta that scooted the moment the credits rolled in at the much awaited end, I tried doing the same thing – Pulling the arm of a scantily clad auntie with puffed up hair and leaving my one and only daughter behind.

Bahut Kuch hota hai Karan Tum na Samjhoge

You must have seen Imtiaz Ali’s ‘Rockstar’ one evening nursing a large No?

Complex ho gaya Nahin?

Yeah! after a while, when all the Moolahs have been raked in, Manva craves  for dollops of respect.

So you decided to make a hash of it while you filled in your floating characters with oodles of designer distress. Added to it your Childhood Fanzie moment with Ash!

When one walks out with a feeling that she was the best of the pile as far as killing black is concerned or pouty reds spouting incomprehensible poetry ( Aren’t Shayars supposed to be lean, mean hungry? Show me the money Da, or I’m in the wrong profession) or simply doing a scene as it is supposed to be! Tells one a lot about the movie right?

Par Logic bhi daalna tha na! Koi Na! Mixer sahi se chala nahin Aur Thodha Khushi Bahut Gham Ho gaya

By the way, stalking is aint cool KJO! A No is a No even if it is Ranbir

And Ranbir Honey, how many times can the lady repair ya? Just asking! Leave them be!

Just Imagine Karan Johar – What all could be done with Rs 1500/-

A meal at a decent restaurant, some gas in the car, so many colas or chips, metro recharge!

But your ilk doesn’t stoop to these normal things right?

As it is they don’t have to worry about existential dilemmas of monies as they go pub hopping, clubbing and private jetting.

Those are for lesser mortals.

Faltu ka MNS se lad rahe the, ban utarvaane ku…Fawad ko Bhagane ku ( I’m still trying to figure out his X factor!)

Isse kehte hain Khaali peeli BhomBhat.

One Last Question – What exactly happened here???

Accha Chalta Hoon, Dua mein Yaad Rakhna

Phew! You killed that song forever for me Bro.

Weary Viewer AJ

Disclaimer: Mutual Fund investments are subject to market risk. Please read the offer document carefully before investing’

Na Na Readers! Don’t go by this review! please go n see.

Everyone has to go and do their share of ‘Penance’😄😜

kya pata you might love it and you might think I’m crazy 👻

ki kitna bakwaas likhti hai

ash-effect

Try Writing Funny While the Family Sermons

“Make Sure It is rip roaringly funny!”

On that ominous advice, the call ends.

Even before I can have a word in edgeways.

I nod absentmindedly and mutter some native unmentionable expletives.

Burnt acrid smell, jolts me up.

Rats! Panner Bhujiya has now turned into Burnt Bhajiya.

I throw in some sparkling greens to mask the mess, hoping to bring in some color.

The pan resembles a very muddy earth with smattering of bushes.

Grub done, I announce to all and sundry “I am working now!”

It is obvious that no one has paid much attention.

Darling Dotty comes in with her ukulele, gives me a bone crushing hug and without any warning takes off into a “Cheer you Up While You Work” Wala song!

The song is something very absurdly called “Little talk!” but lasts real long.

At the very moment Hmm-Husband decides to discuss financials, interest rates and FDS.

In walks Scintillating Sonny, who then gives me a no holds bar update on Potato Prices for the past 100 years. Not satisfied, he then takes an on the spot tutorial, to see if I am paying any attention. I barely pass.

Hmm_Husband is still continuing with his comparison of ICICI and HDFC while Darling Dotty has now moved onto “Ode to Joy” at full throttle, on the hindsight not so very joyful. Drats!

I later discover that the maid sensing a God almighty chance, declares a Chutthi for herself the next day and scoots off before I can understand the full impact of her muffled speech.

I am still sporting that giddy goofy smile and planning out high Falutin sentences.

Only they aren’t funny any more.

My dad calls on cue, extremely bugged that I haven’t called him to update on his latest gadget query.

My mother also pitches in, declaring quite selflessly, “I read your latest article. Full of mistakes as usual. Don’t worry, I have highlighted them in red, for your convenience! You can correct and try not to repeat”

I am still figuring out my next word as my battered brain tries some mental exercises like 2+2 and what follows after ‘A’

Daughter now croons “sounds of silence”

Irony anyone?

After talking about Potatoes, Son comes back to that existential question.

”Khaane men Kya Hai?” Obviously Burnt Bhajiya doesn’t quite cut it. He then potters off to kitchen to rustle up something for himself.

Oh dear God!! Should I worry?

Hmm_Husband now brings SBI into the interest

In this bedlam, that dreaded call comes again with same rejoinder!

“Remember the deadline is tomorrow and Funny is the key word!”

Yeah Right!

But would I ever have it otherwise?

Never!!

Lurking under this supposed bedlam are the strong family ties and deep love for each other.

Because ultimately, Family is everything.

Always!!

A twist in the tale

“Dham Dham!”
The maid was at it. Again! Dropping many hints while washing the dishes.
“So many dishes! I wonder how they manage this daily, with only three members in the house. All this work, I have do single handedly. But If I ask for a raise or leave, all hell will be come down. Always the same answer ‘No’ ‘No’. This month end, I will definitely give her a notice. Let me see how she will manage without me.”
Sharon heard the hints loud and clear. She wanted to scream and tell the maid to get the hell out of her house.
“How would I go for work then? I have to suffer her tantrums till I find a decent replacement. Always spoils mood while I am working”.
Sharon went back to answering her mails and then onto her fix. Facebooking.
“Drats! Everyone is on a holiday. That too abroad. These bloody status updates! Oh thats me in Dubai! Look at me, I dipped into Niagara. I’m pouting in front of Pisa..Nonsense! Why can’t they go quietly? Do they have to rub it in? And here Gautam says lets go to Coonoor! How bloody down market! Can’t blame the poor fellow though. It is our budget that cannot be stretched.”
To cheer and soothe herself, she then hit Jabong. “ 3@999/- ? What a delectable deal. Buy! Buy! Buy!” she said aloud.
“Mom, you are always buying for yourself. Why can’t I buy some books too? But it is a No always! A waste of money! Not fair!”
‘OMG! When did this little fellow creep in…’
“Honey, this purchase is work related. I have to dress for my job right? You have so many books.But you still want more!”
“Mom, these are for widening my mental horizons. I need the new..”
“Okay Okay, I will buy you, when I come back from work. I need to rush now. I have kept some food in the fridge. Study till Dad comes home Ok?”
***************** *******************
Sharon reached late. She was the EMCEE at a startup celebration party. The host was getting antsy. He made sure she understood his displeasure. Cursing him under her breath, Sharon took the mike, cracked a few in season jokes, made some witty observations and got the party rolling. DJ got the public grooving with some Funjaabi numbers.
She then strolled off to the overcrowded bar, where everyone was drinking their sorrows away.
“Hey Paddy” Sharon greeted a deeply furrowed young man who was boring holes into his smartphone.
“It is Padmanabhan! How many times do I have to correct you? Tomorrow when my book comes out and I become this hot shot author, you will be chasing all around me for autographs!”
“Yeah Right! I have been hearing that for a long time. Till then, It is you and me, covering these seedy parties. Also, it is Paddy till then” Sharon winked at Paddy and guffawed loudly.
Paddy was the quintessential Page 3 correspondent. He hated his beat and begged his editor to give him some editorial space where he could write lifestyle pieces. He regularly emailed her some soul stirring stuff. Heaven knows where the mails went. Spam/junk?trash definitely archived!
So he covered tripe, much to his consternation.
Paddy stared at Athiya, his editor, sharing a joke and a drink with the host.
“Do this please Paddy! It is for a friend!” He mimicked Athiya’s nasal twang.
Sharon burst out laughing. “ We are the suckers Paddy! To us! Bottoms Up!”
The host, Suren, stared through Athiya, half nodding, while she conspiratorially narrated a senior minister’s affair with tan upcoming starlet. He looked around and saw people guzzling away his food, his booze, his hard earned money.
“Just Imagine, how many salaries could be covered with this ugly expense. How am I going to fill in this short fall?”.
Still nodding, he stared at his trophy wife, in a snug fitting LBD and glittering diamonds.
“Daahling! It is important to be visible. Visibility is everything. This coverage and this party will give a massive boost to our business. Surely, I don’t have to tell you that!” She had crooned and like a fool, he had agreed.
‘What did she know? We are celebrating my dotcom bust. We need a bloody massive miracle to get us out of the deep slump that we are in now.’ Sure looked heavenwards, almost pleading.
“Suren, can I have a word with you please?” A deep baritone commanded him.
Suren turned around to face an expensive suit, a regular front pager of The Economic Times and paled in shock, but recovered quickly to blurt out an obsequious “Hello Sir!”
“Not here! somewhere quieter” The suit suggested. They walked into an alcove and settled in.
“Suren, I will come straight to the point. Being famous or present on Page 3 is equivalent to being rich on Monopoly. Absolutely redundant! I have looked at your books. “
“How?” Sure managed weakly.
“I think you should worry about ‘What Next?’ rather than the hows! I offer you a senior position with all the perks. My CA will get in touch with you to thrash out the details. Quietly wind up this and move on. Your people already have an inkling of what’s happening. So no surprises there. I need someone of your caliber. Don’t worry about wife. She will be happy with the page 3 coverage. Make sure of that. The offer is on till midnight. If I know you, your answer is already a ‘Yes’!” With these stirring words the Suit moved on as quietly as he came on the scene.
As Suren sat gobsmacked, trying to fathom this Christmas Bonus, Athiya joined in.
“What’s up Suren? You look all shaken up?”
“Athiya, The coverage standards are going down. I’m spending so much money here. I’m worried whether I will get my dough’s worth. Wife has been working so hard to make this party a success. I just hope the reporter does a good job! Could you please ensure wife gets a good mention, please, for old times sakes?”
“Actually, the guy who is covering this – Paddy – is getting complacent. He fancies himself to be a terrific writer and all this, beneath him. I must be on the look out for fresh talent now. But don’t worry. You have my word.” Athena assured Suren.
Sharon overheard this nugget as she came out from her pee-break. She rushed to caution Paddy. After all, he was a good chap.
The party eventually wound up and everyone said their lusty goodbyes.
Paddy dropped Sharon home.
“Thanks buddy for the heads up. Let me get my act straight. I’m going to unleash my creative juices, produce a vintage piece and send it ASAP. I’m going to be super serious about work.” Paddy promised and zipped off.
Sharon unlocked the front door and walked into her waiting, beaming husband, Gautam.
“Guess what honey, we are spending the weekend in Goa! Dil Chahta Hai Ishtyle!” Gautam gushed and hugged Sharon.
Sharon smiled broadly, gave her husband a tight squeeze and beckoned the watching son to join in.
“Here are some coupons for you, my son from that DotCom Party I went today. You can buy some great books.”
Needless to say, it turned out to be a happy night for all.
******** ********
Next morning, the maid was washing the dishes quietly without a whimper while Sharon surveyed her quizzically.
“Cannot afford to lose this house too. The other madam threw me suddenly without even a notice. This one is better. Doesn’t scream at me. Will ask for increment next month. Till then..” Maid muttered to herself.
Ahh Well! Adjustment is just a shift of thoughts…