30 Minutes Timer To Just Write

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This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

30 Minutes timer to write

To write whatever comes to your mind, without the worry of corrections and paying attention to grammar. It is a cardinal sin, one part of me screams.

This from someone who wrote -Florence Nightingale was a promiscuous lady ( I thought this was some kickass word ).

About 4 years back, as i struggled with a major disease, i started writing these lil daily snippets on facebook. Then gingerly ventured into story writing. One fine day, a mail came asking for permission to print a story of mine – Awright! No one fools in June right? That is an April Trick. Turned out the mail was as true as sunrise.

One thing led to another and now i feel incomplete unless i write something and unleash on the poor unsuspecting world. How they react to it? Well that is the thing about fb. It does announce to the world when so and so become friends but when someone unfriends you, you wouldn’t even know. So in the comforting bliss of my ignorance, I flood the cyber-space, that they are eagerly lapping it up (shh- even if you are not, don’t say it!)

But these days, there is a ritual to be followed once you decide to write your quota of 400 words.

  1. Charge your Mac
  2. Check into fb – shower the like/love on posts you love and like ( yeah it is the other way round) – hoping that you will be showered with similar love. Fingers crossed.
  3. Now that Amazon Prime has been picked at 11:30 pm on the last day of the 499/- offer, check if any new shows/movies have been added. Curse self for not seeing House of Cards completely, before they spaced out Kevin.
  4. And frown at web.whatsapp with its crazily mushrooming groups and the ‘Hello it is a beautiful Morning! You are super special! Go seize the day!” pings. Everyone gets the same message okay? So everyone is unique and special no? Aila! First of all, Mine was a terrible Sunday where i suffered the whole day with the knots in my stomach – Wisdom tooth as is expected is coming horizontally (that explains everything!) and I stare at a root canal thrown in as a bonus. Okay I love ‘Buy one- Get one Free’ But this is bumper bonus!  Plus the washing machine creates Madras Flash floods in the kitchen the moment I switch on. The service engineer cannot come because his stock of gasket has been eaten by rats! I swear i am not making up anything. While I lie groaning holding teeth, husband and daughter cook. Something positive did come out of the mayhem.
  5. And on cue son calls. He was always a nut, now he is a health nut. He starts off with a grandiose ‘I am disappointed with you’ Oh yeah that means I am top notch mom. But this time because we haven’t kickstarted our health fix. He then proceeds to give a dressing down to hubby and daughter at the skewed gender bender. They should be more self-sufficient! Have you ever been in liquid oxygen? The type that can not kill you yet wont let you die – same thing I feel – don’t know whether to be exhilarated or cry in agony.
  6. Finally to actual writing. Funnily, without fail, always my daughter takes out her ukulele and belts out top 50 chart busters in UK and USA too. Though the expenses of her music classes now seem to be well worth it – there are times i want to be like that uni-dimensionally angry poppa of secret-superstar – You know, Ukulele’s strings magically get &*^&&. But I know what hell will await me, if that were to happen. Did we forget that husband? He chooses that very moment to share something that happened in Tunisia or those seminary innocuous news bits but will be counted tomorrow as the footprints that changed the world. I nod, I also listen though sometimes, I just hear.
  7. Finally peace! But by now, I have quite forgotten what I was going to write. So i start the loop again – Now you know why I am an eternal Work In Progress? 
  8. Phew I have been writing for  the past 28 minutes continuously- Just whatever came to my mind.
  9. This is the unedited, first draft as the rules demand. I started at 10:30pm and at 11:00PM 😀
  10. So it is a Yes I Can – There is Hope and tomorrow is a better day! Amen
  11. Pens down
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Jab Harry Met Sejal

#jabharrymetsejal @AnushkaSharma  @iamsrk #imtiazali

Dear Imtiaz, SRK,

Oh, Boy! Where do I start? Let us get down to the brass tacks first!

What exactly were you snorting on, Dude? Spill the beans already! You had to be high on something to make THIS and pass off on US! Must have thought ‘Inpe Sab Chalega!’

I’m imagining the scene at Mannat while Mrs Khan is darting arrows at PC’s poster and tending to Abram. You both are in the balcony – Just chilling, having red wine!

SRK : “Yaar Imtiaz ‘Piktur banate’!

Imtiaz: “Shah! No Mon, No Fun!

SRK : “No worries! Home Production! Mirchi lagadenge! Woh Bhi lalwaali!

Imtiaz : “Story? My last outing was a ‘Tamasha’, you know!

SRK: “Why do you need a story when I can be in each frame, in HD? Tumhe pata haina , I can romance even a doorknob! Line lag jaayegi ticket counter pe! You try yet another angst filled, nomadic, overgrown man-child, who needs rescuing by another scatterbrained soul-searcher! Ooh I’m getting goose pimples. And get that Bengali babu who churns out killer Punjabi beats!

Imtiaz : “Bro! You are a RockstarSocha Na ThaAhista Ahista kya Cocktail ban rahi Hai!

SRK : “There’s more! Let’s show Europe and get all the travel agents on board! Discount mil jayegi! Better still. I will play a travel guide. Of course, I will drive a dishy car, sport kickass threads. What say to three buttons open with a tattoo peeking?

Imtiaz : “Done! We also recycle the title of my most successful flick. What will be the angst about? I have already dealt with ‘follow your call’, ‘dreams’, ‘molesting’ “

SRK : “Who cares? Punjab ki Khet B/W mein aur Colour mean dikhadena. Show some grooving lassies in dhinchak costumes, which even the locals wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. All in the name of authenticity! Be with me Bro. I will lead you, whenever you need help. Actually, that could be every minute.”

Imtiaz : “Don’t worry! So long as you are putting in the monies! Who will play the heroine?

SRK : “Anoushka ko lelete. Sweet hai, simple hai. Sister types. Wife won’t get jealous too. Dippy bahut Pricey ban gayi, Vin Diesel ke saath, kaam jo karli

Imtiaz : “I’m dancing on the ‘High’Way now!

SRK : “Gujjus are the flavor of the year.  Let us make Anoushka mouth silly Gujjuisms to get the laughs. I will play hard to get while she frets why can’t I paw the sexy her?”

Imtiaz : “Oh I get it. Chastity for thy love. But that was Raj in 90s. This is 2020! Will being formulaic sell? Eh?”

SRK : “Like crazy! I will then protect Anoushka from goons at a pub and she will swoon to become the ‘Cheap Aurat’ who will run away from her engagement, settled posh life to become a Mrs. Tourist Guide. How romantic Na? The Snap-chat Gen will simply eat out of my hands.  And one more thing! I really want to kiss on the screen yaar! 50+ ka ho gaya hoon! Aur CV mein, not even one smooching scene!

At this point Imtiaz passes out and SRK marches into the house, singing happily “BadSHAH hoon main BADShah!

(The Puckering Scene is the yuckiest I have seen so far! Ghar aake listerine kari )

A zonked viewer

One Night

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

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11:22 PM. 8 minutes to go before the cabbie arrived at the gate. I quickly gulped down the sticky Maggie, put some clothes, checked my purse for money, grabbed my phone.

11:28 PM  2 minutes to go before the cabbie arrived at the gate. I sprinted down, tucking my shirt in, hoping to be there at the gate, before the cabbie. I couldn’t bear his accusatory tone, if I was late.

11:30 PM Paradise regained. Rupa was in the cab and so was Sonali. In 30 minutes, it was Rupa’s birthday. I was hoping to get her nod tonight. I had spent a packet on a ring to gift Rupa and seal the bond.

Rupa smiled warmly. A good omen! Sonali smirked. Nothing unusual. The cabbie revved up. He was in a hurry. As he sped on the bustling roads, braking at will and barely managing to avoid colliding into vehicles.

Rupa became nervous. She slipped her fingers into mine and held onto them. Smirking Sonali, let go at the cabbie, who slowed down momentarily and stuck to his original speed. As we turned into a lane, BAMM! The cabbie managed to bang into a pizza delivery guy, who flew into air on impact. To avoid hurting him further, the cabbie swerved and crashed into a tree.

1:00 AM Rupa wokeup, to see the mayhem around. Air-bags had saved the cabbie. But he was unconscious. Sonali sat rubbing her head. mumbling something incoherently in Marathi. Her man, seemed to have passed out too, though fingers were still entwined. There is this persistent mooing sound. They were in a no-network patch.

1:30 AM Rupa shookher man and Sonali. The man was stirring. So he wasn’t dead. They both comforted each other and came out slowly to check the mayhem. They  flashed  their mobiles to see the extent of damage. The pizza delivery guy was no where to be found. They searched under the vehicle, over the cab. No sign of the guy. But the mooing was now loud and clear. To their utter horror, they saw one horn of a buffalo sandwiched between the bumper and the tree. The Buffalo wasn’t hurt but shocked.

2:00 AM Sonali shook the driver, who slowly resurfaced. He got down to see the bonnet smashed up. And they all heard some feeble sounds coming from the tree. As they all craned their necks to see, they could make out the outline of the pizza delivery boy. The impact had landed him on the top branches and he was moaning. Except the cabbie no one knew how climb trees except the driver, who wasn’t exactly in shape to do so. The mooing was getting stronger. The buffalo was now petrified. They all gathered and somehow managed to push the cab away from the tree, enough for the buffalo to move away. The moment it wriggled, one horn that was sandwiched broke into half and the buffalo ran away.

3:00 AM The ladies, the cabbie and the man were now petrified. What if a crowd gathered and beat them to pulp. But they couldn’t leave the pizza delivery guy, up the wall. How about shaking the tree? The pizza guy continued to moan.

3:15 AM the cabbie somehow dragged himself up and helped the pizza delivery guy down. As they all gathered, firstly they wolfed down an entire pizza and then started walking ahead. Till they found help.

As the day broke, both the cab and the scooter were towed away. Everyone got a day to recover.

And as the day ended a one horned buffalo was trending. Nobody knew what happened.

Rain

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This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

It was the pitter patter sound that woke Simran up. The sound of steady fall of water droplets, on her glass window,

The rain seemed to come down in sheets. Everything was wet, washed  and the leaves actually looked fresh and green.

This particular shade of green was something she had seen, way back in time, when she was carefree, young and deeply in love.

A period of time, when Simran used to hop onto a local to Lonavala, to trek the Western Ghats along with the love of her life, Raj, and the incessant rain would caress her curves while the mesmerizing greenery would intoxicate her.

Her utterly smitten Raj would share hot cups of masala chai with his Simran as they bundled together, quivering and shivering.

Simran Verma stole a glance towards her husband, Raj Verma, snoring away, utterly unmindful of the beauty of nature, dancing right in front of him, and sighed wistfully.

Her mobile sprang to life. ” MemSaab, Not coming for work today. It is raining cats and dogs”.

The phone was disconnected even before Simran could utter a word.

“Oh these bloody bloody *&^%* rains!!”

Oh Blimey

sochAnd the ping came as innocuously as ever – “The article is due on..”. The red heart at the end, did not make it any less ominous though. Phew!

With the deadline hanging on her head like a Damocles sword, a worried AJ then sat with her new valentine gift – (A blue pen! First it was a laptop, then a phone and now it was back to demonetized basics)- hoping that enthralling words would find their way across to the paper in front. Was she gonna present a ‘white paper’? What would she write about?

Darling-Dotty, who was on her 15th short break from studies, walked in with her ukulele, promising to belt out a mind churner. AJ was now stricken. Darling-Dotty took pity on her mater and suggested kindly, “Why don’t you write about tests, Mom? A very in topic these days. You see, everything is a test for someone, somewhere!” Oh! deeper words never mouthed!

Can you elaborate more honey?” AJ half-interestedly answered, lest the dotty wandered off into a “You never pay any attention to what I say, You neither hear nor listen” diatribe

Dotty went full throttle. “Well mom, you see, like the valentine’s day was an acid test for the brave-hearted lovers. Those who got the answer in affirmative, are now wondering if they have been hasty.  Did they make the right choice at all?

Or take the case of Small_Aunty! She thought she could by-pass the long hand of the law and was in a tearing hurry to be the reigning queen. How the tables have turned! By a twist of Karmic  justice, she finds herself Bangaloored.

In a few days, many children, will find themselves getting tested to check if they have mastered the rote art. Their moms are going ballistic with an ‘Atlas Shrugged’ visage and demeanor. All social agenda is on a pause mode because Pappu has to pass. Hopefully the almonds consumed by the kilos, would fetch some grades!

Mom, are you with me? I caught you dozing. Don’t say you were paying attention!

AJ wearily countered “Honey, stay on track!

Darling_dotty ploughed on, “ Yeah, what was I saying? The populous state of our our holy land is now privy to a budding bromance, between two good sons. Will this new Jai-Veeru bond will last the test of time and power? Destiny will answer. Will the Alpha-Male find the going tough, now that trash cash was just a poll scheme rehash? What fate awaits the Muffler-Man’s Broom? As I ..

Dear Dotty, you have an exam tomorrow and you are really testing my patience. Have you finished your course? Are you even aware of your syllabus? ” AJ was worked up with so many details thrown at her.

Mom, you worry about my passing mere tests while you fail to see that I can study life and give an adept and cogent analysis. BTW, What’s for dinner?

And Dotty leaving behind her worldview perspective, scooted to safety, to get back to her rote learning while AJ wondered whether her write-up would find any takers, if she would pass the test.

Hope floats…

Honest Opinions Needed please

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I have recently started writing a blog series, in ‘Author Speak’, at Readomania.

This was the first, in this series. Please do read and let me know your opinions about this piece.

Much appreciate 🙂

bit.ly/2kBce4s

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http://www.readomania.com/author-speak-view/anupama_jain,97

 

Let us Mock, Stalk & Quarrel

15111089_1167050083364261_1330858925931304118_oA wikipedia would define Satire as a genre of literature in which the vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings of individuals, corporations, government, or society are held up to ridicule, ideally hoping for an improvement. A feature of satire is strong irony or sarcasm. Although satire is usually meant to be humorous, it’s greater purpose is constructive social criticism, using wit to draw attention to both particular and wider issues in society.

We are seeing some solid society churning. In such times, a true writer uses the pen to echo the turmoil around.

When the mere wax figures  masquerade as role models to the ignorant and fawning believers, 

when goddesses mull over festering sores of deep-rooted gender inequalities, 

The domestic drivels or the mismanaged familial relationships or the idiosyncrasies of our daily humdrum,

When knowledge acquisition suffers a collateral damage as you go chasing degrees, 

When even after 70 years of independence, an MP has no Locus Standi, 

When a death in search of fame doesn’t even merit a footnote in the daily rags,

When the age old biases exist to debilitate and stunt,

When it becomes a herculean task to find a noble prince or a malleable maid,

When Gods are slotted, reservations are resisted and blood needs to be proved,

When it is not fair to be dark and the government becomes our matrix,

When miracles or god-(wo)men defy logic or a tail becomes a frenzied tale …

It is then time to get to work, wield that acerbic pen and whip up a torrid storm.

These are the prevalent, pertinent issues, screaming for a platform to be showcased so that there could be a change, albeit slowly.

There are two ways to go about this.

Either one pontificates or playfully delivers a sledgehammer.

The second option is always,  in my humble opinion, more effective because it softens the blow while making one chuckle and also circumspect.

Sarcasm always works because humor helps you cope, think and if possible…act!!

Edited by Indrani Ganguly, Mock, Stalk and Quarrel, a collection of satirical stories,  pokes fun at all the seemingly insurmountable, deep-set issues of today.

Short story format is apt for such an endeavor as the restless world around expresses the feelings in 140 characters. Everything is insta and happening!

So short and snappy is catchy.

It is our way of wanting a tangible change.

Together, we could and we did.

I’m extremely proud to be associated with this ‘Must-Read-One-Of-A-Kind-Satirical-Anthology’ and invite you to pick your copy at this URL.. 

http://amzn.in/7AQZ2VW

Abide with us -The Magical 29 

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