Jab Harry Met Sejal

#jabharrymetsejal @AnushkaSharma  @iamsrk #imtiazali

Dear Imtiaz, SRK,

Oh, Boy! Where do I start? Let us get down to the brass tacks first!

What exactly were you snorting on, Dude? Spill the beans already! You had to be high on something to make THIS and pass off on US! Must have thought ‘Inpe Sab Chalega!’

I’m imagining the scene at Mannat while Mrs Khan is darting arrows at PC’s poster and tending to Abram. You both are in the balcony – Just chilling, having red wine!

SRK : “Yaar Imtiaz ‘Piktur banate’!

Imtiaz: “Shah! No Mon, No Fun!

SRK : “No worries! Home Production! Mirchi lagadenge! Woh Bhi lalwaali!

Imtiaz : “Story? My last outing was a ‘Tamasha’, you know!

SRK: “Why do you need a story when I can be in each frame, in HD? Tumhe pata haina , I can romance even a doorknob! Line lag jaayegi ticket counter pe! You try yet another angst filled, nomadic, overgrown man-child, who needs rescuing by another scatterbrained soul-searcher! Ooh I’m getting goose pimples. And get that Bengali babu who churns out killer Punjabi beats!

Imtiaz : “Bro! You are a RockstarSocha Na ThaAhista Ahista kya Cocktail ban rahi Hai!

SRK : “There’s more! Let’s show Europe and get all the travel agents on board! Discount mil jayegi! Better still. I will play a travel guide. Of course, I will drive a dishy car, sport kickass threads. What say to three buttons open with a tattoo peeking?

Imtiaz : “Done! We also recycle the title of my most successful flick. What will be the angst about? I have already dealt with ‘follow your call’, ‘dreams’, ‘molesting’ “

SRK : “Who cares? Punjab ki Khet B/W mein aur Colour mean dikhadena. Show some grooving lassies in dhinchak costumes, which even the locals wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. All in the name of authenticity! Be with me Bro. I will lead you, whenever you need help. Actually, that could be every minute.”

Imtiaz : “Don’t worry! So long as you are putting in the monies! Who will play the heroine?

SRK : “Anoushka ko lelete. Sweet hai, simple hai. Sister types. Wife won’t get jealous too. Dippy bahut Pricey ban gayi, Vin Diesel ke saath, kaam jo karli

Imtiaz : “I’m dancing on the ‘High’Way now!

SRK : “Gujjus are the flavor of the year.  Let us make Anoushka mouth silly Gujjuisms to get the laughs. I will play hard to get while she frets why can’t I paw the sexy her?”

Imtiaz : “Oh I get it. Chastity for thy love. But that was Raj in 90s. This is 2020! Will being formulaic sell? Eh?”

SRK : “Like crazy! I will then protect Anoushka from goons at a pub and she will swoon to become the ‘Cheap Aurat’ who will run away from her engagement, settled posh life to become a Mrs. Tourist Guide. How romantic Na? The Snap-chat Gen will simply eat out of my hands.  And one more thing! I really want to kiss on the screen yaar! 50+ ka ho gaya hoon! Aur CV mein, not even one smooching scene!

At this point Imtiaz passes out and SRK marches into the house, singing happily “BadSHAH hoon main BADShah!

(The Puckering Scene is the yuckiest I have seen so far! Ghar aake listerine kari )

A zonked viewer

The Doodler of Dimashq

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.

-A Tale of Two Cities (Damascus and Aleppo)

War is destruction. War is rubble. War is loss. Can hope spring in desolation? How do you hold onto sanity, when you see everything you hold onto as dear, crumbling around?

Yet, somehow you cope, clutching at mere straws. Coping mechanism could be anything. The seemingly nondescript protagonist of Doodler of Dimashq, Ameena, uses doodling, an art form that comes naturally to her, to express her grief and the dance of death around her.  As she ages, she develops her brave-beyond-years persona. Ameena, then introduces the same coping mechanism to the worst hit of the senseless Syrian War – the children.

Will she find her destiny? Will she make the journey to safety? Will she finally have it all?

Her journey through life as a child bride, who acquiesces to the trysts of fate and as a stoic young woman bearing the loss, forms the crux of this utterly compelling story.

Kirthi Jayakumar, the author, wears many hats, with equal felicity and dexterity. She coaxes the words to singe you, cringe you and choke you. All the same, these very words make you ponder, smile a bit and thank the lords above, as you count your lucky stars and reach out for your loved ones.

Who says you have to be a victim to have empathy? If you have a heart, you will feel. Kirthi has a big heart.

I have many fave lines – But I leave you dear reader with 2.

  1. Have you had your personal earthquake?…..Nothing is yours anymore. Except pain. And grief.
  2. Who knew what one needed when there was a war going on? Who knew what was essential, and what was not, what matters, and what did not?

Take a bow Kirthi Jayakumar! Publisher Dipankar Mukherjee and Editor Indrani Ganguly deserve a huge round of applause for putting their faith in this tale and ably seeing it through.

Freedom rings bells to remind humanity that the most precious gifts in life––like children and love and time––must never be taken for granted.” ― Aberjhani,

A Blessing in Disguise

Screen Shot 2017-10-08 at 11.20.47 PM

screen-shot-2017-02-14-at-12-26-08-am

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

“You will have to do this for me Rupa! For the sake of our friendship! You know, I consider you, more of a friend than my cousin, right? Moreover, I cannot trust anyone with this. I haven’t told any about Raj. You know, how conservative everyone around here, is!

“Still, Simi Didi, asking me to go and tell your boy-friend that you have moved on and are getting engaged today to a hotshot NRI, is a bit too much to ask of me. Why can’t you do it? Call him, break the news and cut. Then clean up your digital footprints.”

“Arre Rupa! It is not that easy. Raj can be very clingy. He is an emotional sorts. He might even come home and create ruckus. You know then, what tsunamis will be unleashed. And I kind of like this hotshot NRI. I will have a much better life in LA. Then I will find someone for you too. For that to happen, the old ties have to be broken. Please help me Rupa.”

“I don’t need any of your matchmaking skills. Where should I go? And how does he look? Show me, his pics at least, Simi didi!”

“Arrey, I just cleaned my phone.”

“What about FB/SnapChat/Viber”

“Uffo! So much cleaning! Forget all that, I will show you on fb, before I unfriend and block him. Please make sure he is OK, na. Don’t want him to hurt too much. We are supposed to meet today, at the Starbucks, in Mega Mall, at 6:30, in the corner booth. Today is Friday right? He will be in Red. Tall, wavy hair, well built..”

“That is most of the men folk Simi didi. Show his pics!”

The bedroom door opened and Mother burst in, cooing excitedly.

“Simi! The groom’s party is here!”

“Already Mom?”

“Their Pundit told the Boy’s Mom that the auspicious hour will be over in the next ten minutes. Thank God, you are ready” Mother then grabbed Simi and marched out, while Simi gesticulated to Rupa wildly, to go and do the deed!

Rupa sighed wearily and walked out.

***************************************************

She soon found the corner booth, with its occupant. Wonder of wonders, reading a book! With his mobile on silent, savoring his coffee, in a Red Polo. Rupa took a deep breath and found her courage.

“Raj?

“Yes?”

Words gushed out of Rupa’s shapely mouth, in a breathtaking pace. The man in question, looked at her stupefied, which Rupa mistook to be stricken.

He then gesticulated for her to sit. This time Rupa, took her own time,  conveying the grave news, all over again, all the while, patting Raj’s hand, giving comfort. Over cups of coffee, they talked.

**************************************************

Raj never told Rupa, that he had been sent, by the original Raj, to convey the news to Simi. That the Original Raj had found his golden girl who was loaded. And that the original Raj was getting engaged that very same day.

The Duplicate Raj had found Rupa so enchanting, that truth got a quiet burial. He simply confessed, he was a different Raj.

What a blessing in disguise, that mistaken identity turned out to be!

Today it is their tenth anniversary. They are the ideal couple, who fill in each other’s sentences and worlds.

Paradise!

Mum’s the word

Screen Shot 2017-10-01 at 11.17.21 PM

screen-shot-2017-02-14-at-12-26-08-am

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Dear Diary,

Today, I have a big secret to tell you.

Shhh! Don’t tell anyone. Promise?

There is someone in this house, who knows everything. Nothing can be hidden from her.

Even when she is watching the TV, she will know, I am eating cookies in the kitchen.

When I come back from school, she knows that I had a fight with Sam. I swear, I haven’t even opened my mouth. Just by my angry face!

I don’t tell her, but she knows that I have got my Maths marks.

Sometimes, I go to the bathroom and cry, she will know. Then she will make Maggi for me, to cheer me up.

She even knows, I haven’t finished my dabba, even before I take it out from my bag.

I pour my Bournvita, into kitty’s plate and she will scream from the bedroom. “Are you drinking your milk or giving it to Kitty?”

She gets up before everybody and sleeps after everybody. How does she get the energy, I don’t know!

She knows what I like, what Pappa doesn’t like. But never tells me what she wants.

She will hold my best birthday parties and drives me to classes.

And when she starts telling a bedtime story, I am already asleep.

But she has one problem. Actually two!

She worries so much!

She worries when I go to school or go out and play with my friends. She no longer sends me to the market. She makes me repeat GTBT, everyday. Sometimes, I get very scared then. But I don’t show. She stills knows. She gives me a big hug and tells me, everything will be alright. 

And then she tells me not to waste my time and study. But I’m still a kid no? I hate these classes that she keeps driving me to. Then she will ask what did I learn there? I can’t say, nothing. Because, she will call my teachers and find out. Funnily, they all are her friends. They tell her everything.

I think she has X-Ray vision. She must be the Hulk’s cousin or must be SuperMan’s secret sister. Or Both!

You know who, I am talking about no?

Mummy!

More tomorrow,

Love

Pari